Things You Should Never Have Said

Everyday I find myself saying things that I really shouldn’t be saying.  In fact no one should ever say these things.  I bet, if you are a mom you have said them or, if you are not a mom, your mom probably told you. 

I’m not talking about your typical “Don’t’ eat what has been on the floor,” “Wash your hands after you sneeze in them,” “We don’t hit our friends”.  No, those are daily sentences.  I’m talking about the ones you say and then you can’t believe that sentence just came out of your mouth.

Let me give you an example, “Don’t put that in your mouth after you take it out of the toilet”.  Nothing in that sentence goes together.  It should never be said.  Here’s another, “We don’t lick our friend’s daddy on the front of his pants.” This has to be one of the worst lines I have said.  Not to mention how embarrassing it was for all those involved.

Now I want to hear what you have been forced to say.  What have you said that never should have been uttered?


43 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Things you never thought your child would say « Meizac's Blog
  2. thomasmom
    Mar 01, 2012 @ 07:46:40

    I’ve just dropped my 11-month old at daycare and thought I’d check out your blog (thanks for following mine). I must admit, I laughed out loud. I can’t wait for him to start saying silly things – or me for that matter!


  3. April Thursday
    Feb 22, 2012 @ 15:40:39

    Very funny post… I have some weird recollection (as a teacher) mostly involving asking kids if they’d rather playing with themselves… argh!!! You know the scene right? The child does not want to share a toy, and none of us teachers are English natives… and there it goes: “John, if you do not like to share the toy with Aaron, maybe it is best you go and play with yourself”… OK, I hope all understand that it should be “play by yourself”… among foreigners, we all start to bastardize the language… I feel so shameful!!! ;-)))


  4. muddledmom
    Feb 20, 2012 @ 21:27:12

    I’m not sure I want to know why any licking of the front of someone else’s dad’s pants took place. I often find myself telling my kids we don’t play with our boobs at the dinner table. Not sure what the fascination is at dinner…


  5. cafechez11
    Feb 20, 2012 @ 14:46:51

    At a swim meet:
    Daddy: “Ernie, do you want a sip of my soda?”
    Ernie: “Is there rum in it???? I don’t want it if there’s rum in it!!”
    (Every parent glared at us. I promise, there was no rum in the soda, but this proves the point that: if a child is asleep three floors up, they can still absorb conversations between two adults. lol!)


  6. Jenn Brisendine
    Feb 19, 2012 @ 16:31:35

    Hee hee. Great topic.

    “Please take Diego out of the throw up bin.”


  7. MaryAnne
    Feb 17, 2012 @ 03:28:40

    Way too funny!


  8. I'd Rather Be At Pemberly
    Feb 16, 2012 @ 14:46:52

    Since babe is only 2 and a half months old, I haven’t had any of those yet – but I’m certain I’ve had a ton as a teacher, but do not want to recall any as I’m soaking in the last of my leave. Just wanted you to know I laughed out loud. Hysterical.


  9. orples
    Feb 16, 2012 @ 14:10:26

    LOL, I can only imagine how embarrassed Daddy was. Thanks for the laugh. 😉


  10. sarsm
    Feb 14, 2012 @ 12:03:16

    I especially love the second one.

    I think my worst one to date is:

    You shouldn’t really let your brother put his thumb in your bottom.


  11. richbrunelle
    Feb 13, 2012 @ 02:29:30

    Actually I have one I thought I would ever hear, from our daughter when she was about 7 years old. “I wish I could swallow my life and throw-up a new one.” This was because she loaded up her plate with way too much food, and I told her she had to eat every bit of it. We still laugh about this and she turned 18 last week.


  12. Laura
    Feb 12, 2012 @ 19:01:01

    OMG, I’m in tears laughing at this!


  13. kevinpedersen1
    Feb 11, 2012 @ 12:57:34

    I bet your girls think you’re a cool mom. 🙂 Thanks for following my blog.-KP


  14. bluesuit12
    Feb 09, 2012 @ 22:41:48

    I don’t have any kids but I work in a preschool and I’ve often reflected on things I’ve said and couldn’t believe I said them. But what’s even better is when kids tell me things that their parents say or do. Just today one little boy said out of nowhere (while pointing to his nipples) “my dad can make these things go boom boom boom boom.” wow, I really didn’t need to know that about his dad. hahaha


  15. Julia
    Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:08:01

    I started calling my Mom’s cat, “Sweet Pea”. Then I started calling everyone Sweet Pea. Then one day, I told my husband, “I love your Sweet Pea-ness!”


  16. Slice of Mid-Life
    Feb 09, 2012 @ 00:11:43

    Thanks for finding and following my blog. There are so many funny lines in this post and in the comments! Kind of bittersweet and makes me (almost) wish I still had little ones (though you can say some pretty funny things to big ones and they can say some pretty funny things to you).


  17. KL
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 22:15:21

    I have recorded some of the conversations I’ve had with my son in the car. Every now and then one pops up when ITunes is on shuffle. Today I heard my voice saying to him at three years old.
    “I know that you think your teacher is not very smart, but it’s still not ok to tell her that out loud”.

    Thanks for following my blog, it led me to yours, and I’ll be following you now and seeing how I’m not the only one…. 🙂



  18. irishsignora
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 21:04:15

    How about, “I don’t care what your uncle did with his friend, we don’t greet our friends by putting our hands in their pants!” Another local classic is, “Honey, I know the puppy thinks your little potty is interesting, but please don’t feed him what you left in it.”


  19. JallieDaddy
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 21:02:15

    Funny! And I know just what you mean! Every other day we say to each other: “that’s a sentence you never thought you’d say”. Only tonight I had to say to our little boy “Please don’t hit Daddy on the head with your milk bottle” & to our little girl: “Have you been pulling Mummy’s pants down & pinching her bottom?”


  20. Momma E.
    Feb 08, 2012 @ 12:39:01

    This was so funny! I’m far enough past this where I can’t exactly recall the funny things I had to say to my kids when they were little. I used the we sentences and I do recall I had to tell the younger one that “we” do not melt nickels on the nightlight prongs… The communication issues I’m having now are funny (but not as funny as this) here’s a link to my post about it: if you are interested. Love the blog! Best, Donna


  21. jennifermayormaynot
    Feb 05, 2012 @ 22:17:06

    I wrote a similar post called “This is Why We Don’t Have Nice Things”. It’s something I’m always saying when my kids break something. Another phrase I got from a commercial is “We do not ride the dog like she’s a small pony!” My mother used to tell me she was so mad with me she was going to pinch my head off, throw it into the yard, and make me go look for it.


  22. adatoc
    Feb 05, 2012 @ 14:21:43

    I can see that you, like me, have a wellspring of topics about which to write…thanks to your kids. Love the blog!


  23. Stacie Chadwick
    Feb 04, 2012 @ 13:00:37

    OMG I love “We don’t lick our friend’s daddy on the front of his pants!” Adorable premise, adorable family, adorable blog. You’ve got a natural voice and great material…I’m looking forward to checking back in!


  24. Lisa Mortellaro-Crouse
    Feb 04, 2012 @ 08:16:35

    How about the rules you never thought you would have to make up. Example “You MUST at least wear underwear to the dinner table”.


  25. MamaMoo
    Feb 03, 2012 @ 20:24:18

    Awesome! So far I think the boys have the craziest quotes. Anyone with some more quotes from the girls?


  26. Dharma
    Feb 03, 2012 @ 11:34:58

    “Your brother does not bend that way!”
    “Smacking the cashier’s fanny is not nice.”
    “We don’t put things up Grampa’s nose.”

    Oy. Boys. I could go on.


  27. meizac
    Feb 03, 2012 @ 11:13:59

    This may be the funniest blog post I have ever read…anywhere. Mostly because I can totally relate. Gosh, I have said so many things that should never have to have been uttered, that I can’t think of one that stands out. Maybe, “No, Z, we don’t lick people’s eyeballs.”


  28. MamaMoo
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 08:59:13

    Yes! Good point with the “we” comment. Why do we do that???


  29. Christine
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 08:54:27

    “I know the baby has a big, boingy belly. But we don’t use him as a trampoline.” “We do not put tomatoes in our armpits.” And don’t you love how mommies say “we” for this crazy stuff?


  30. happymom3
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 08:02:06

    Very cute, Melissa, good job!


  31. Tracy Dayton
    Feb 01, 2012 @ 20:25:14

    That is hilarious!!!! Love your blog!


  32. Ed
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 21:31:52

    Ugh! Just today I had to ask Em to not lick my tushie! 😞


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