If you’re anything like me, you’ve had numerous occasions where you didn’t know weather you should intervene or stand down. I feel like I have these moments several times a day. I want my girls to explore natural consequences for their actions. I will lead them but I don’t want to control them. It’s a hard balance.
I want them to test their bodies and climb outside the boundaries, literally and figuratively. I want them to wear sneakers to parks with mulch but sometimes they have to get annoyed with the mulch in their crocs before they can learn. I want them to try first and then ask for help. I want them to stand up for themselves. I want to be there to comfort them when they get hurt, physically and emotionally. I also want them to have the skills required to cope when I am not hovering.
Yesterday a beautiful thing happened when we were having a playdate at a local park. Morgan and Em found their niche within a group of four other girls. The six of them had a marvelous time until… name calling began. I didn’t see or hear what led to the jeer but I heard.
“You’re a baby. You look like a baby and you act like a baby” said the three year old “A” to a slightly shorter three year old “B”. “B” looked devastated and was about to cry. My Mommy instincts were kicking in and I was headed straight over to set things straight. When suddenly Morgan spoke up. “She is not a baby and those are not nice words. You need to talk nice to your friends or they won’t want to play with you”. I could not have been more proud. I had the biggest smile plastered across my face and I took a step back.
I need moments like that everyday. Moments when some of what we are trying to instill in them sticks. They may be running in circles around the cashier at target, screaming at each other over the better side of the bathtub, or leaving a trail of toys all over the house – I need to focus on the big picture and stay strong.
What victories have you had with your kids this week? When was a time that you were extremely proud of them?
BabyBookForMe 
Feb 20, 2012 @ 19:05:25
Last summer I read a very insightful article on what makes a good parent and I wrote two posts about it:
Read the article and I think you’ll see you’re doing something good by giving your kids the right skills by fighting for themselves.
Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:36:05
Great posts! Thanks for sharing and also thank your for the encouragement.
Feb 20, 2012 @ 13:54:45
What a sweet little girl! Way to go mama.
I used to lecture my 3 year old all the time about how much toilet paper to use. She would use half the roll and I was constantly telling her “all you need is 2 squares for pee.” One day a friend was watching her and my friend used more than 2 squares and my daughter told her “Miss Chantel, all you need is 2 squares for pee” and she even stuck her finger out and pointed like I did.
At that moment I learned even when I don’t think she is listening, she is and I ALWAYS have to watch what I’m saying.
Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:38:32
I feel like we have to too much toilet paper conversation daily, ugh! So true, that they are listening even when we don’t think they are. The reverse is true as well though they often really don’t hear what i have to say when i want them to. One of life’s little nuances, i suppose.
Feb 19, 2012 @ 21:57:39
Good for you for not stepping in. Most kids today have had the ability to problem solve stolen from them by well-meaning, but way, way, way over-protective parents and adults. I work in a Grade 5 – 9 school and I see the affects of this on kids all the time. They are completely incapable of solving even the smallest dilemma in their lives — from finding a pencil when they don’t have one, to knowing how to protect themselves on the playground. Great post.
Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:47:01
Yes, I have been reading lately of the long term effects of the over-protective parent. Visit http://perfectingmotherhood.wordpress.com/2011/08/12/children-practice-makes-perfect-perseverance-perfecting-motherhood/ if you have not she has several good articles and links that reiterate this point. Thanks for the comment.
Feb 19, 2012 @ 12:52:50
Go get ‘um, Morgan! Good job.
Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:47:27
Yeah, she did!
Feb 19, 2012 @ 08:52:35
Good job for Morgan and MaMaMoo.
Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:47:51
Thank you!
Feb 19, 2012 @ 07:12:30
Good job, Mama. You’re doing it right 🙂
Feb 22, 2012 @ 13:48:14
Thanks for the encouragment!